Melisa’s Story

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“Boy, what a nightmare…..I didn’t find this site until I had already been thru 5 months of a rollercoaster ride that I would never wish on my worst enemy.  I only took xanax for a couple of months for a health scare that had me panicked (all is fine) , but 2 short months of taking a little pill really screwed up my life for almost a year.  I stopped cold turkey, not being told anything about tapering or withdrawal, and spent the first month at doctors offices spending a fortune running tests on everything, with no answers.  I finally ran across the benzo.org website, and discovered that what was happening to me was withdrawal.  I had wonderful support from my husband of 25 years and just rode out the storm. I think I had every symptom on the withdrawal list except for seizures at one time or another.   It always seemed like symptoms would dissapear only to be replaced by others.  The last symptoms that started in January were the morbid thoughts, sore scalp, continued insomnia, and continued anxiety, which had me searching again on the web for answers and thats when I found this wonderful place.  Coming here seemed to ease my symptoms, as I read about others going thru the same thing, and took my mind off of me for a while.  Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words, humor, and ideas on how to ease some of the symptoms.

Well, finally I started some natural progesterone prescribed by my doctor, after some blood work revealed that my progesterone level was almost zero.  It took about a week to start working, and by the first week in March, I started feeling perfectly normal again.  I am 43 years old, so maybe hitting early menopause, but I did read somewhere that benzos depleat your progesterone levels, so regardless of the reason, it has helped me become normal again, which I thought at times was going to be unobtainable.

Today is April 23rd, and I had to come back, after my first trip out to Atlanta to visit my sister (something I didn’t think I was going to be able to do just a month earlier)  We went to the Bon Jovi Concert, and I had a blast!!! I think about you guys often, and say a prayer for you all to get thru this quickly.  Dont forget to exercise, read your bible, and eat healthy.  These will all help you to get better quickly.  God Bless you all

Melisa”

Taken from Benzo Buddies

ScaredNewbie’s Story

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“I just wanted to post my “Success Story” for those of you out there that feel like this will never end.  When you’re experiencing the withdrawal symptoms it feels like eternity and it’s the worst nightmare you never even could have imagined, whether you’ve been going through it for 2 weeks or 2 years.  I was one of the lucky few who was only on Benzos for a short time and even luckier that my withdrawal only lasted about 3 weeks.  But the terror and memories of it all will probably always stay with me the rest of my life.  It was definitely a learning experience and finally I feel back to myself again.
The last 5 weeks of my life has been a rollercoaster and I can only imagine how awful it must be for those of you who have had to endure it for much longer periods of time.  I had almost every symptom there was and most of the time thought my hearing, vision, and sleep patterns were permanently damaged because of those pills.  The anxiety was terrifying, but I thought I could live with it if I had to, but, the intrusive thoughts made me think I was going out of my mind.  I could relate to so many of the threads I read in the forum and it was both comforting and scary all at once.  I was scared I would never heal or that it would last for months, but comforted that I was not alone.
A wise family member told me, “If you’re worried about losing your mind then you’re definitely not going to!  People who have lost their mind aren’t even aware they’ve lost it.”  This made me think back to the Psych hospital and I remembered the majority of people I encountered had almost no idea what was going on or even what their name was.  So I realized, “hey, I guess you’re right!” I referred back to that comment many times during this experience.
Please know that if you were “normal” before you WILL be normal again, I was told this over and over by friends and family, and it was the only thing I had to provide me some comfort.  I can honestly say now, that they were right!  I finally feel “normal” again and can sleep a decent night’s sleep and it’s just as wonderful as I remembered!  I have a new found appreciation for the small things in life and I know that it will happen for all of you too.  I wish you all the best of luck and always include the members of this sight in my bedtime prayers.  Please have faith that you will get through this and don’t be discouraged when you have a bad day.  Push through it and keep on keepin’ on.”

Taken from Benzo Buddies

Defaulted26′s Story

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“So I have been hesitant to post any sort of success story as I keep going back and forth on whether I am recovered or not, or recovered enough to say I’m recovered lol. But I decided if I can give someone hope, it’d be selfish of me to withhold .

My story started last summer when I had something that equated to a panic attack. I was put on Paxil for a bit but took myself off due to some side effects. When I got back to college I got back into the drinking scene again and suddenly found myself riddled with anxiety. One point I couldn’t move for fear of making it worse, and ended up asking my gf to take me to the ER. It was here I was given my first klonopin. This made me feel instantly better so I went on a journey trying to obtain and abuse the prescriptions. After a week I started to get panic attacks when I didn’t take anything so I went back on Paxil and continued abusing alcohol and klonopin.3 months later during Thanksgiving I realized I had a problem and quit everything cold turkey.

This started my hellish withdrawl that included nasty d/r, brain fog, inability to speak, anxiety that I thought would physically kill me, depression, and vision deterioration among other minor stuff. I was forced to withdraw from university and move home because I couldn’t hardly move or think. The first two months I was bed ridden, but things started to let up after that slightly.

Since then I have subsequently moved to a new city, Chicago, and have found a new job selling computers and technology. I speak with people all day and answer their qurstions, which takes a lot of brain power lol. I am happy to say that every single symptom has gone away for me except some of the anxiety    I tell myself I did all this stuff inspite of my symptoms, but I really could not have held a job two months ago, absolutely no way, and it makes me realize how much better I actually am.

For those of you still going through this, my symptoms, usually one at a time, let up in a period of a few days, but before that they were horrendous. It’s strange how that happens. You have to notice the things that do get better or else you only focus on what’s left and feel like you haven’t gotten better at all, when you really have made strides. I fell victim of this until recently as my anxiety is bad sometimes, and I felt like I had so much further to go. But when I look back, I’ve come so far…far enough that I think its appropriate to lable myself a success story

Never let go of hope because things WILL change and they WILL get better, and I hope my story can help show that. Yes I only took it for 3 months, but I drank heavily for the past 7 years so my body has been affected for a long time.

I look foward to my new sober life and my continued growth as a person”

Taken from Benzo Buddies

BYBYMatrix’s Story

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“I started taking Klonopin for panic attacks 18 years ago. Which did seem to work for awhile. Through the years my dose slowly increased and my personality changed. I had become someone that didn’t care, weather a person lived or died ,succeeded in life or failed. In fact, I liked watching others fail. I didn’t like what I had become. So, without doing any research I jumped off Klonopin 11/30/09.

The first day after quitting, I woke up with a hot metallic taste in my mouth and decided to do a quick search on Klonopin withdrawals. The site I found listed symptoms such as metallic taste, increased anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. Those symptoms I already had and thought, well I should be able handle the symptoms fine. Well, day three hit and everything let loose. On that night I woke up in shear terror and panic. The days that followed were even worse as I had the most terrible pain along with my skin feeling like it was on fire.
:Note: I had several tests done before jumping , from brain scans to a colonoscopy. Since being cleared with a clean bill of health, I knew the symptoms I had were from Klonopin.

Because of the pain and severe insomnia, I started to increase my Ambien dose and made up an excuse to have an old Percocet Rx renewed. My addiction to Ambien and Percocet soon became out of control. My Doctors became aware of my abuse and wouldn’t give me another refill. So, at the end of April of 2010 I ended up doing another C/T. Although I stopped these drugs fast, it didn’t seem to really change things for me mentally or physically. While I was still on Precocet and Ambien and even after I stopped both , the waves still kept happening.
I’m not proud and feel disappointed that I let this happen, but that’s who I was and I am not that person anymore.

Even though things did seem to be improving somewhat, I still felt like a lost soul and wondered if this would be my normal self. My family even pressured me to reinstate and said, some people just need to stay on this medication. After they said that, for some reason my wife started to do some research and found Benzo Buddie’s. I’ll never forget the first time reading some of the posts. I felt so happy that so many questions were answered, I almost felt healed.

After joining this forum, I had many ups and downs. One of which was a Cipro steroid reaction and that felt very close to the C/T I had done earlier with Klonopin. That was another very dark time for me. I even told my wife to be ready, because I didn’t think I had the strength to make it this time. Well, don’t ask me how but I managed to push through it. In time the intensity went down and the windows started happening again.

About three weeks ago, I woke up and my wife told me to go look at the whites of my eyes. When I looked they were white! Since that time my sleep has returned and have had not had anymore mental or physical problems.

I have also been testing myself by going out in public and doing a really intense workout. I have no more muscle weakness, or anxiety when I’m around people.
I’m symptom free and feel very confident I’m totally healed.

Although I did everything the wrong way. It shows you even a long time benzo user such as myself can heal.

Take your time, follow your taper, get support from your Buddie’s, ask questions and research as much as you can.
You will heal from this and realize the fight was all worth it.

Mike”

Taken from Benzo Buddies

MarthaKicks’ Story

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“Well, how does one quantify one’s healing?  It’s been a question that has weighed heavily on my mind during the last few months…am I 90% better, 80%…and does it even matter.  What I do know for certain is that I am miles from the pain I endured during acute withdrawal and even further from the days on the medication.

My first blog entry:
One day at a time.  When I realized what clonazepam was doing to me I decided to get off of it immediately.  I spent one week titrating down off the medication and haven’t regretted my decision once.  Through the severe stomach pain, the dizziness, the inability to focus, the headaches, the tightness in my jaw, the electrical bursts, the slurring, the gastro issues, the tachycardia, the brain fog and all the rest, I have held on to the fact that I am clearer in thought than I ever was while on the medication.  All the pain I am enduring now is secondary to the need to be off this drug so I can be the woman I am without it.

There is not a day that has passed that I have thought of reinstating the drug to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms and I am thankful for the unambiguous nature of my commitment, and it is a commitment.  I am committed to getting my body and mind back from the grip this benzodiazapine has had on me.

Peace be with all of you who are struggling, myself included.  May we all find the compassion we so easily bestow onto others and give a generous amount to ourselves.  Being patient with ourselves is the surest was to ease the pain.

In love and light,
M

P.S.  My choice to cold turkey was a very intimate decision. I do not encourage any one else to follow this path, it’s highly discouraged.

What followed that entry was an unknowable hell that tested my strength and faith in a better tomorrow.  But I survived and I am now on the other side, looking back and extending a hand to all of you who can’t see through the thickness of despair.

Hang on to the truth that this is not permanent.  Trust that you and you alone know what is best for your body and your life.  Love each moment and know that there is a better tomorrow laying ahead.

Peace be with you,
M”

From from benzobuddies.com